Foxie’s Story Time
‘Involuntary Age-regression is often not fun and can be scary, It’s getting my childhood back. Only time I get to freedom is when I regress’
Age-regression is when a persons experience is a mental reversion from the mindset from their biological age to a mental state which could be atributed to trauma or having a mental health condition or could be from a different experience of age-dreaming where a person acts and replicates the behaviours of a younger age for purpose of comfort that is not relating to kink or sex based activities.
Foxie is diagnosed autistic at the age of twenty-one, after a period of always knowing they was different. With their autism diagnoses and of general and social anxiety disorders, depression, post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder, describing her experiences of anxiety causing them to become non-verbal as with experiencing typical autistic traits.
With her shyness she was considered young for their age by her parents, teachers struggling with social cues and social situations that caused a lot of panic this is something which she attributes to how people saw her emotional reactions that seemed child-like that went further to enjoy escaping in activities and a world that would be seen as young for their age. Right up until the teenage ages of thirteen or fourteen years old when children of the ages have moved on from playing with dolls and toys Foxie’s still found comfort in playing in a make believe world away from one with distressing and overwhelming challenges as a means of de-stressing that didn’t seem usual for a person of her age, documenting childhood bullying and trauma that both parents and teachers misunderstood of an autistic teenage girl that left her feeling isolated.
They felt a sense of embarrassment feeling the eyes of judgement of the social stigma of being like the peers that are the same age, not wishing for people to find out in worrying of the bullying, teasing and taunting of her peers, still a taboo around age regression. So just like any other autistic person they found for what makes you stand out and unique mask and camouflage fearing the the judgement of others. What was childlike give a sense of peace and soothed and calmed their anxieties. It is so hurtful for an autistic person to be pained for not being able to comfortably use tools or have interests where people make us feel like aliens. Describing that she was attached to plush soft toy animals and couldn’t sleep with few of them in bed, such judgement may exclude or put children of sleep-overs and be an essential to actually getting to sleep.
Describing her age-regression as both unintentional and intentional as it can be a tool to unmask or a trauma response that helps reduce anxiety and make Foxie feel safe. But she to her family and friends isn’t out as as being an age-regressor hence use of their preferred alias Foxie. Though it has play role in unmasking it they haven’t felt safe and comfortable to do it to all the people in their life they know and yet theres still a journey to go.
When they were able to pluck up the confidence and courage brought her first pink pacifier, wooden pacifier clip and pink sippy cup. But its only recently they were able to make sense of their feelings around wanting to use pacifiers, sippy cups and enjoying television shows and plush animals to that of what a child uses. It was through the world of social media content that they connected that a key component of their trauma was age-regression that allowed them to make peace with their regression through learning about a whole community of regressors, it made sense to them. They did not remember their first time regressing but in adult realising that it made them emotional of being able to accept that part of theirselves they aren’t doing anything wrong or shameful and Foxie could begin to unmask something that is a part of their identity as an autistic neurodivergent person.
CW: Defines rape and sexual assault in relationship
How do you unmask sucking adult pacifiers and using sippy cups? Surely, we should be free to do what makes us happy, right? But, ‘people automatically think its sexual, EVERY TIME!’, No wonder why many find its something they aren’t safe to tell anyone about and think they are weird or should feel shame, if its attatched with a picture of ‘it’s gross’ giving people a sickened image that make one feel red faced and embarrased. ‘But what people don’t understand is that, for a lot of us even if we learnt to use regression for good or voluntarily regress to cope’ ‘ it isn’t within our control’. It is most certainly something to be aware of and understood with in those who have disabilities and mental health conditions. As Foxie describes when they regresses ‘ I’m a child in an adults body, I would not know what sex was, and to imply or act sexual around me would be taking advantage of me and wouldn’t be able to consent to sexual activity this would’ in their opinion ‘cross a line lead to rape, sexual assault’ and abusive behaviour. They how ever don’t hold a strong view on the ABDL community and those in the community who engage in kink, which doesn’t represent what age-regression and age-dreaming is and not is Foxie’s experience. ‘Diapers to contribute sexual arousal is poor opposite to me as an age-regressor being forced to a child-like state due to trauma and mental illness’ it is important to take away that unlike ABDL community ‘sexualising age-regression can be extremely harmful’ people must be aware that ‘some people who experience age-regression are still minors’ this emphasises how dangerous and harmful seeing sexualising age-regression when it can be something minors can experience who are vulnerable. It’s to be emphasised that for a person who may wish to use pacifiers or still in diapers can be for neurodevelopment reasons or mental health and illnesses. And are a group vulnerable to abuse and manipulation and to be aware that regression is often from people with ‘mental illness, abuse and a traumatic past.’ Its a safe space to deal with traumatic experiences that you cant just easily ‘snap out of it’ or ‘stop doing it all with will, which isn’t true for Foxie. For what first is a trauma response you cant have power to regress for only pleasure
It should be realised that yes regression can be ‘positive’ or ‘helpful’ but when it is ‘involuntary age-regression is often not very fun’ that can leave Foxie feeling very scared ‘during panic attacks and flashbacks’. Whilst it can be scary it can become a method of ‘getting back my childhood’ they say in an empowering means to take back something they lost and to have ownership of what they see as their relationship of their inner-child and could be healing inner-child, a means of catharsis where they had to grow up very quickly because of their trauma. They say ‘I age regress because the child inside of me was never given the chance to develop and grow as she should have been allowed t, and so I am having to through that now, even though biologically I’m an adult’. They believe that the only place they truly are able to experience ‘peace, relaxation and freedom to express myself as I truly am, is when I am regressed.’ The adult world they forced into is something they restricted to and in need of a sanctuary and safe space.
Foxie is never truly in a state of adulthood. For autistic people it can sometimes be hard to navigate the world of adulting and adulthood and feel like an adult but that isn’t the case of all and most certainly doesn’t mean that we are regressed but in an allistic society its hard to meet the responsibilities and challenges in an allistic society. For Foxie their reactions and responses are perceived of that of a person of a younger age as a child would, this as well as their mental illness but specifically relating to their experiences of being autistic, how they use fidget toys and require accommodations of noise cancelling headphones, these accommodations for autistic people doesn’t necessarily mean that they are attributed to regression. But with their focused interests and accomodations can to them trigger age-regression ‘I need these things or I cannot control these things’ they word.
They say on being asked whether do you find people too judgemental of people using dummies, pacifiers, teethers, bottles, sippy-cups babyish items that may help and sooth an autistic person, find judgement on requiring such tools and items to self-regulate and stimulate within the autistic and neurodivergent community that there is a lot of stigma around autistic and disabled people. In general those of us with hidden disabilities using such items, an adult drinking from a sippy cup or sucking a pacifier may receive judgement because the person who doesn’t require the need to use it can’t empathise with the need to use it.
‘There is still no reason to judge but people label people as ‘weird’ and ‘gross’ for doing so. Allowing their prejudice and rigid thinking set in and immediately assign it to being some sort of king or just writing it of as sexualisation. Regardless of what people think, they endure to shrug it off it makes them happy when able to find safety and the comfortable in little space. Its healing their inner-child. Healing exeperiences since childhood they have clung on to its making steps in healing process of their mental illnesses. Their therapist says she has seen noticeable improvements in Foxie, they’ve been able to work on dealing with difficult situations in adulthood and understand the traumatic events from childhood and finding better ways of coping
This story was edited by Autisticly Aar Jae Williams and was given consent to be shared at request of the person the story is accounted on. It was within their request that they wasn’t named or referenced by name.
